Type 3 — Enneagram In Relationship

1 (8).png — Enneagram 3

The Achiever
Wings 2 & 4
Arrows 6 & 9

Type Three

Efficient, ambitious, self-propelled, and driven. Threes are charismatic thought leaders who have a high motivation for success and know the quickest path to get to their goal. They value achievement and are effective doers who make the doing look easy. Being recognized for their accomplishments is extremely important to the Three, as that can be how they measure their worth. When they walk into a room, they can instantly become what they believe others expect them to be. They can find it challenging to slow down, as they are fast-paced individuals with an inner drive that continuously propels them forward. Since efficiency is so pivotal, their own feelings and needs can feel like a waste of time, causing their own well-being to get pushed to the side. This desire for doing can make them inattentive or impatient to other’s feelings and needs as well.

Overview of Type 3

Core fear: To feel worthless or like a failure and be without value apart from their achievements

Core desire: To feel accepted, admired, affirmed, and be successful

Focus of attention: Approval - setting goals, completing tasks, and gaining recognition for your accomplishments

Limited belief: I’m not able to be valued or appreciated apart from my achievements

Liberated knowing: I am able to be loved for who I am, not what I do

Strengths: Adaptability, productivity, leadership, inspirational, motivating, enthusiastic, confident, doer

Blind spots: Intrinsic value and self-validation

Three part defense system:

Defense mechanism: Identification - stepping into a role and portraying that image to the point of losing contact with who you really are
Avoidance pattern - Failure
Idealized self-image - "I am successful"
Enneagram Threes use the defense mechanism of identification to avoid failure and maintain the idealized self-image of being "successful". The idealized self-image is who our type structure believes we need to be, and we can unconsciously or consciously avoid anything that challenges this image. As a Three learns to deidentify with their role, and knows their definition of failure can actually be successful, it deepens connection within themselves and with others.

Mental healing & growth:

Moving from habit of mind to holy idea - deceit to holy hope

Deceit/self-deceit - Avoiding one’s own feelings and adapting themselves by embellishing/stretching the truth or leaving out parts of the truth in order to maintain a successful image
Holy Hope - Knowing that you don’t have to do anything to be accepted, which allows you to rest in the process

Emotional healing & growth:

Moving from passion to virtue - vanity to truthfulness

Vanity - Seeing yourself from the outside in, causing you to present an image to attain admiration and be seen as successful
Truthfulness - A willingness to let go of the image and be real, which allows you to create meaningful connection by showing up authentically

Coping strategies

True Self

Allowing yourself to be loved for who you are, not what you do
Exploring who you are separate from your image
Practicing slowing down and making space for your feelings
Intentionally allow time to experience your emotions
Using failure as a gateway to be with yourself and explore self-compassion

Type Structure

Prioritizing tasks and goals over other important parts of your life
Adapting yourself to impress others and receive recognition
Maintaining a quick pace and never-ending to-do list
Devaluing your feelings
Spinning perceived negative situations into a positive to protect your image and heart