Type 5 — Enneagram In Relationship

1 (10).png — Enneagram 5

The Observer
Wings 4 & 6
Arrows 7 & 8

Type Five

Analytical, self-reliant, insightful, sensitive. Fives are curious knowledge seekers who have a great ability to understand complex concepts. They appreciate privacy as they find that others can be intrusive and drain their energy, so the alone time helps them recharge. Personal freedom is precious to a Five, but it may come at the cost of losing contact with others and feeling lonely. Emotions, feelings, and needs (internal and external) can be overwhelming, so Fives minimize their needs and become self-sufficient as a way of restricting and regulating external stressors. They tend to live in their heads more than any of the other types, as thoughts feel more comfortable than feelings. They usually have a very sensitive nervous system and quiet energy that keeps them from being subjected to too much stimulation.

Overview of Type 5

Core fear: To feel incapable, helpless, and be without enough knowledge, energy, or resources

Core desire: To feel capable, helpful, competent, and be self-sufficient

Focus of attention: Intellectual understanding and conserving energy – accumulating knowledge and withdrawing from others agendas, needs, and feelings to refuel

Limited belief: I’m not able to handle intrusions or demands from people and the world because they ask too much of me

Liberated knowing: I am able to experience feelings, engage with people, and feel renewed by it

Strengths: Innovative, perceptive, respectful, curious, dependable, independent, observant, objective

Blind spots: Intrinsic energy and self-expression

Three part defense system:

Defense mechanism: Isolation - withdrawing from others as well as your own internal emotions and staying in your head
Avoidance pattern - Emptiness
Idealized self-image - "I am knowledgeable"
Enneagram Fives use the defense mechanism of isolation to avoid inner emptiness and maintain the idealized self-image of being "knowledgeable". The idealized self-image is who our type structure believes we need to be, and we can unconsciously or consciously avoid anything that challenges this image. As a Five learns to be with their feelings and with others, and knows that their inner life force is not empty but rather full of knowledge, it deepens connection within themselves and with others.

Mental healing & growth:

Moving from habit of mind to holy idea - stinginess to holy omniscience

Stinginess - A scarcity mindset that causes you to be reluctant to sharing knowledge, time, space, feelings, and attentiveness
Holy Omniscience - Knowing that you have enough resources in the current moment, which allows you to share and give more of yourself

Emotional healing & growth:

Moving from passion to virtue - avarice to non-attachment

Avarice - Withholding what you have because you feel like you must protect yourself from depletion or overwhelm
Non-Attachment - A willingness to participate in life, which allows you feel enriched and energized by your environment

Coping strategies

True Self

Creating awareness around your disengage moment and staying with the emotional experience
Noticing how the fear of depletion motivates the walls you build and actively engage
Cultivating an abundancy mindset
Increasing your resources by connecting with other people
Finding ways to enhance and enliven your life by tapping into your desires

Type Structure

Detaching from emotions and ignoring your sensitivity
Creating boundaries to control situations and avoid having demands being put on you
Having a scarcity mindset
Guarding your physical space and hoarding time and energy
Minimizing your needs

Creating emotional safety with a 5

Hold their private information with care
Don’t demand an immediate emotional response
Check in with them to see if they have the energy to have an emotional conversation
Respect their boundaries