Enneagram 4
The Romantic
Wings 3 & 5
Arrows 1 & 2
Type Four
Deep-thinking, expressive, emotionally intuitive, and intense. Fours are idealistic creatives who are highly attuned to beauty and have an emotional dictionary that allows them to express themselves eloquently and vividly. Not only are they able to easily access and describe their emotions, they aren’t afraid to feel the depth of them. Fours seek deep emotional connections and want to be deeply understood, this is a challenge because they often feel misunderstood, adding to the belief that they are different or more flawed than others. Fours value being unique or special, which can either help them embrace their authenticity or lead them to feeling as though they have an inner deficiency. The feeling of lack can cause them to overidentify with the suffering, and they can be left feeling as though they struggle more than most. Their mood can dictate their choices and their perception of themselves, leading them to think that “I am what I feel”. There can be a longing inside for the ideal love or situation that feels like the missing piece that will make them feel whole and complete.
Overview of Type 4
Core fear: To feel defective, abandoned, and be without personal significance
Core desire: To feel as though they have a meaningful identity and be unique and understood
Focus of attention: Longed-for ideal - romanticizing expectations and noticing what's missing
Limited belief: I’m not able to feel loved, whole, and complete because something vitally important is missing
Liberated knowing: I am able to see my beauty within and enjoy the present moment because I am lacking no essential qualities
Strengths: Emotionally honest, attuned to deep emotions in self and others, self-aware, sensitive, authentic, passionate, introspective, creative
Blind spots: Intrinsic beauty and self-fulfillment
Three part defense system:
Defense mechanism: Introjection - unconsciously incorporating the characteristics of a person or object into your own sense of self - shows up as either positive introjection or negative introjection
Positive introjection is an attempt to bypass perceived internal inadequacies by finding worth from something external and making it a part of your own sense of self
Negative introjection is the internalization of external painful feelings or experiences that then become a part of your sense of self - a blaming of self for what goes wrong
Avoidance pattern - Ordinariness
Idealized self-image - "I am authentic"
Enneagram Fours use the defense mechanism of introjection to avoid ordinariness and maintain the idealized self-image of being "authentic". The idealized self-image is who our type structure believes we need to be, and we can unconsciously or consciously avoid anything that challenges this image. As a Four learns to embrace ordinariness, and knows that ordinariness can actually be authentic, it deepens connection within themselves and with others.
Mental healing & growth:
Moving from habit of mind to holy idea - melancholy to holy origin
Melancholy - Fantasizing about what you want followed by thoughts of how it will never happen (a pairing of hope with disappointment), and self-rejecting thoughts which perpetuates the idea that you are lacking something and will continue to be disconnected and separated from others
Holy Origin - Knowing that you are already and always connected to everyone and everything, as we all come from the same source, which allows you embrace your uniqueness without having to cultivate it
Emotional healing & growth:
Moving from passion to virtue - envy to equanimity
Envy - Feeling as though what you need or want is outside of you and therefore unavailable, which creates a deep sense of longing and chronic suffering
Equanimity - A willingness to feel emotions without identifying with them (or being consumed by them), which allows you to experience emotional balance and the wholeness in the present moment
Coping strategies
True Self
Letting your feelings move through you without attaching to them, and taking small productive steps forward
Developing consistent self-care activities to build self-appreciation
Identifying the good things about yourself, your life, and the hopeful possibilities that exist
Allowing in the closeness
Finding pleasure and value in the here and now
Type Structure
Staying in the suffering and avoiding taking action
Belittling yourself and comparing yourself to others
Idealizing what's missing
Distancing yourself from others and focusing on their flaws
Creating drama and intensity to avoid emptiness or boredom
Creating emotional safety with a 4
Show them that you want to understand them
Don’t immediately try to make them feel better
Share your own feelings and authentic reactions
Stay even-keeled with them
Reminders as a 4
Notice what is present, not what is missing
There can be beauty in the ordinary
You can observe feelings without acting on them
Make space for objectivity
Live your relationships, rather than imagining them
There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you
Look out for the push/pull pattern
Breaking the stereotypes
People can think I…
Am only dramatic and moody
Will never be satisfied
Am self-absorbed
Want to be in the push/pull pattern
Need to be treated as fragile
The whole truth is I…
Am discovering how to regulate my emotions
Am learning how to find wholeness in the present moment
Want to understand you too
Can be afraid to let down the barriers and allow in closeness
Am emotionally strong and resilient
“It's a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.”
— Germany Kent